DUSTY SPRINGFIELD - ANYONE WHO HAD A HEART

Continuing to eschew any music performed since the Berlin Wall fell, I’ve reached really far back and been listening over and over to Dusty Springfield cover “Anyone Who Had a Heart” all weekend. I much prefer her version to Dionne’s because, hello?, she’s fucking DUSTY SPRINGFIELD. Fer Christ sakes. God knows, Miss Warfield has her massive strengths; in fact I think she may be an android. She hits every note like a tuning fork, chews up and farts out the most complicated time signatures Burt Bacharach can throw at her, and don’t forget Psychic Friends Network, which alone would land her in my pantheon of greats.

But Dusty Springfield has such a beautiful smokey tone and so very much more personality. So many of her songs express the universal pain of “You have broken my heart, used me and discarded me and I will never get over you, so I’m going to bite your dick off the next chance I get.” Vulnerable, but never a doormat.

While looking to download this, I ran across about a bazillion covers by everyone except Alvin and the Chipmunks and all of hem suck. It’s a tough song, as anyone who has tried to sing along with it on the radio knows. The time is all over the place and switches back and forth like a speed freak’s attention span. Most of the mediocre covers simply ignore that, slow it down like it’s some mellow lounge tune and muddle on through. They should be ashamed. If you can’t handle it the way it’s written, stick to Stevie Nick’s Greatest Hits, that’s what I say,